I'm too exhausted to write in detail about the state tournament, but I'm happy overall. I'm just excited to step it up next year and depressed over the seniors I'm gonna miss. still, my stomach's too full and won't let me sleep, so here's a few things I'd like to say to people here and there.

1. I hate you, but you're cute. hahah aww. I like hugging you, and you smell good. you're really not the best person (you say mean things and you do bad stuff yaknow), and sometimes I really do wanna slap you, but I miss you already.
2. I look up to you a lot, you don't even know! you've influenced my acting so much, which is why we find so many similarities in our acting style. I'm kind of jealous that you're growing close with my other friend, but I know we were close first, and it's really all good. alksdfjsa I'm gonna miss you so much! remember me when you're famous.
3. after thinking about it tonight and over the last few weeks, I've kind of given up on you. that sounds kind of harsh, but I'm just tired of waiting for you to come through. until you do (if you do), I've decided that I don't feel like wasting my effort anymore, I'm just gonna forget about it and all that's happened.
4. I hope you're doing well. I wish we talked more as friends, but I feel like you're keeping me at a distance. I understand if you are, but I wish you'd let me be there for you, ya know? it's your call.
5. you treat me just like another stranger / it's nice to meet you sir, I guess I'll go / I best be on my way out.

that's all for now, my brain's fried.. I've been up for 21 hours on 5 hours of sleep. ahhhhhh. gooood night!

random things on my brain
I just figured out why it won't work out.
March is gonna be realllly slow, I can feel it.
I'm nervous for Saturday's state tournament, but at the same time I'm excited.
is it possible to mad at someone for doing nothing?
I'm complicated, so maybe that's why it won't work out.
I'm hating school.
I'm really gonna miss these two seniors.
I need summer so badly. I watched Mamma Mia today, and that's all I could think of.
I want more clothes.
Lent isn't working out so great. I'm so weak it's ridiculous.
I love having plans.

“Lent isn’t about senseless sacrifices; it’s about meaningful ones. It’s not a season for offering endless prayers, it’s a time for offering honest ones.”

looking back on past years, I don’t think I can honestly say that I’ve had a meaningful Lenten season. I usually try to just say I’ll pray more and make tiny sacrifices, but from experience, that hasn’t been enough, at least for me. uhh. but I guess that’s just the overachiever in me talking. this year, though, I seriously want to close the distance between me and Him and keep it that way.

I finally decided to give up AIM. this time last year, I was almost never online, but now it’s a bit of a bad habit; I’m embarrassed to say how late I’ve stayed up talking to someone or a bunch of people. ya know who you are. it’s nice to keep in touch with people, but overall it takes away time from prayer and homework and everything else important. plus, I don’t want to risk becoming more comfortable with someone online than in real life. I figure that the people who really want to talk to me will find a way to do it anyway, saaay… in person? hahah. at least I hope they find a way. call me! lol. I’ll try not to be awkward.

other than that, candy and rice, for reasons other than what you might think. although.. when my sister tried to give up rice last year, my parents actually forced her to give up giving it up. they literally couldn’t understand how she could get by even a day without rice, haha.

Spongebob: What do you usually do when I'm gone?
Patrick: Wait for you to come back.

today started out on a sour note with the family. it was tough, but I'm glad it happened because it was a long time coming for me. I needed to be humbled, and I felt like the whole thing really helped clear the air with my ate.

after that whole thing, my sis and I joined claws, bry, jela, fatty, and amber to watch Dear John. to be completely honest, I wasn't in a rush to watch the movie like almost all the girls I know, but I didn't want to miss out on fellowship. okay, I teared up and sniffled a couple of times, what of it? channing tatum still can't act all that well, but he got better as the movie went on..plus he's nice to look at it. oh, and he and amanda seyfried make the cutest darn couple ever.. oh my Lord. after the movie, we went straight to andre's for a leader's meeting. I listened mostly.

okay.. it's past 12. so I can officially say Happy Valentine's Day! time to celebrate lalalalooove.